ootd: on starting fresh (but not really)
it's been over two weeks since I last posted to any of my curated social platforms. the break was unintentional, so I can't say with any sort of theatrics that it was good for me because the main reason I haven't been posting anything is because I've been too gd busy to even notice.
for many people, the month of january is about fresh starts and new beginnings. it's all #newyearnewme, but in case you didn't get the subtext in my last blog post, I don't believe in new year's resolutions so I don't take part in the "drastic habit changes that don't stick" frenzy. but the new year is a well establish cultural phenomenon in our society, so it's kind of hard to not want a least a bit of closure with the year 2016 and a clean slate for the year 2017.
the first week of 2017 was met with a trip to the hospital and a discovery that a few symptoms I've been living with for two years most likely have nothing to do with my un-curable genetic disorder, so a possible solution and an end to some chronic pain might be in my near future (yay! but also wtf @allmydoctors). a hospital trip sounds very dramatic, but what effected me most was the interruption of my first full week back at work since the holidays.
and while I'm sure I sound very nihilistic about new year's, constantly playing catchup at work and having to navigate cobra health insurance and *another* mystery illness is not how I planned on starting 2017. It's day 15, and I'm just now sitting down to write a post on the blog I said I would post to twice a week. I know I'm probably the only one holding myself to that; there's no one out there going "what the hell currie hasn't posted anything new in ages???" but in case you haven't noticed I take myself VERY SERIOUSLY and I can't help but feel that a hospital trip and feeling behind in all aspects of my work life is a reflection of how the year will go.
some backstory: this rough start thing seems to always happen to me. in the sixth grade, I was in a particular class for two weeks, and then, because some students had moved and classroom numbers were uneven, I was placed in a new class. everyone had already made friends and met each other so it took me several months to even feel like I belonged. something very similar happened again in the eighth grade, except I never recovered from it and had hardly any friends all year. I was bullied by a couple girls who decided they didn't like me, and a boy whom I had rejected the year prior. in the tenth grade, I missed the first few days of school for some family stuff, and though at that point I had a well established group of friends, I never felt up to speed on the curriculum. and in college, I transferred to a rigorous art school that has a foundation program, which meant I was completing my foundation requirements as I was getting starting on my major's sophomore year curriculum. I took 18 credits every semester and somehow still wonder why I didn't have fun and was so horribly miserable most of the time.
but enough of this pity party because at the end of the day, it's really up to me to determine my trajectory and if I've learned anything in my 26 years it's that a fresh beginning can start whenever you want. every single day is an opportunity to improve your circumstances. so today I made a list of things I felt held back by and under each item I've started a sub-list (I love lists ok?) of small changes I can make to eventually conquer my barriers. what I am doing now (writing a blog post) was on the list.
tomorrow's monday, which means it's a new week, and a new day. what are you going to tackle this week to make 2017 even better?